Episode #120: Love Hurts

Dr. House v. Dr. Cameron

Cameron: "I'm not expecting you to be someone you're not."

House: "We're in a restaurant, we're dressed up, we're eating. If not small talk, what is there?"

Cameron: "According to Freud, and I'm paraphrasing, instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it, and if a person feels they can't control the object or feel threatened by it, they act negatively toward it. Like an eighth-grade boy punching a girl."

House: "I treat you like garbage, so I must really like you. Given your Freudian theory, what does it mean if I start being nice to you?"

Cameron: "That you're getting in touch with your feelings."

House: "Hmm. So there's absolutely nothing I can do to make you think that I don't like you."

Cameron: "Sorry, no. I have one evening with you, one chance, and I don't want to waste it talking about what wines you like or what movies you hate. I want to know how you feel about me."

House: "You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn't perfect. That's why you married a man who was dying of cancer. You don't love, you need. And now that your husband is dead, you're looking for your new charity case. That's why you're going out with me. I'm twice your age, I'm not great looking, I'm not charming, I'm not even nice. What I am is what you need: I'm damaged."

Day & Night

"And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go."

...because I never dreamt it would happen to me again. <3

Summer 2008

This is what my summer has consisted of so far:

- Soul Session in LA with the best friend. Saw J*DaVeY live and bought a sick ass art piece.
- Went reggae cruisin' in Long Beach and swam.
- Got promoted and a raise!
- Celebrated Lea's birthday at Little Temple Bar in Silverlake.
- Going to EDC for the first time with the homiiieees!
- Celebrated Jim's birthday at La Creperie in Long Beach and ENVY at DTF.
- 4th of July weekend at Vegas with my lovelies!
- Gettin' hyphy in the Bayyy Areaaa for my cousin, Manong Paul's beach-side wedding!
- ...and got a free electric guitar from him too!
- I got my new baby...a 2008 Honda Fit!
- My cousin Kirstin and Auntie Patria came here on vacation from Michigan. We had a family party for them at my house.
- Saw MSTRKRFT and N*E*R*D live at HARDfest!
- Going to DTF on Tuesday's and Thursday's is becoming a habit now lol. Ziing's is the SPOT now!
- REUNIONS, REUNIONS, REUNIONS! Talk about RANDOM!
- Reconnecting with people from back in the day..."blast from the past!"
- It's funny how you realize that the world can be so SMALL!
- Meeting new people...and prospects?!
- Detroit Bar and late-night Del Taco munchies.
- ...and more late-night munchies in general, from The Pantry to Steve-O's good ol' home cookin' at 3am. FATTINESS!
- Dancing until it HURTS to make up for it LOL!
- "I'll be back...I'll be fucking back!" HAHAHA LOL!
- Cinespace in Hollywood with the homiiieeees.
- Walkin' all around Laguna Beach and gettin' down at Club M AGAIN with the lovelies. We took over that dance floor!
- Finally got to watch The Dark Knight at IMAX!

WOOHOO FOR THE SINGLE LIFE lol!

I wish this summer could last forever...which is impossible. In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy it to the fullest! I'm lovin' it all! :)

The Lovely Bones

"Inside the snow globe on my father's desk, there was a penguin wearing a red-and-white-striped scarf. When I was little my father would pull me into his lap and reach for the snow globe. He would turn it over, letting all the snow collect on the top, then quickly invert it. The two of us watched the snow fall gently around the penguin. Then penguin was alone in there, I thought, and I worried for him. When I told my father this, he said, 'Don't worry, Susie; he has a nice life. He's trapped in a perfect world.'"

W-T-F

I have no idea how to feel right now. I'm just a mixture of all sorts of emotions right now...

I got into an accident yesterday afternoon. I got T-boned and my car got totaled. My car spun out and my airbags deployed. When it did that, my arm got burnt by it's force. When I looked at my right arm, it looked so nasty. I swear I saw all of the layers of my skin! When I got out of my car, I didn't know how to react. I was just so SHOCKED. I swear that's the expression I've been using these last few months. Like W-T-F. I am such an idiot...

Now I have no car in the time being, and I requested days off of work because of this. This sucks so bad.

It's ridiculous how life can throw so many lemons at you, yet you don't even have the power to squeeze the hell out of them and make lemonade anymore...

Feeling Artsy-Fartsy.

So last Saturday I hung out with my "eclectic BFF!" CJ. We went to a Scion Art Installation Gallery Opening in Culver City. That picture I uploaded was one of my favorite artworks that I saw there. It's by Tanner Goldbeck. All the other artwork I saw there were amazing as well! I really want to go to more art exhibits during the summer time!

After that, we ate at Cobras and Matadors. The restaurant has a swanky Spanish atmosphere that I liked. Their Cornish Hen and Prawns covered with Garlic Sauce were really delicious! I wouldn't mind eating there again!

Then we headed to the Dresden Bar to listen to the spotlight singers and chat with the nice bartender. The night was a great break from the partying and clubbin' that I typically do.

The whole weekend was great. I also got to chill with a friend who recently got an awesome tat on his shoulder blade. Ahhh makes me want to get more now! It can get addicting! I'm still thinking about what else to get though.

As of right now, my life is...how should I say this...a little bit interesting, I guess? Haha. WOW, that's all I have to say...

Odd recollections.

Dammit, don't you hate it when you want to sleep but you can't because you keep recollecting certain events that happened in the past week?

Yeah, I hate it too.

I just keep laughing to myself about it for some reason...it's like one of those "awkward laughs" lol...

I have to wake up at 8:30am tomorrow for work. Another monotonous day of tasks and browsing the internet...boo. At least I'm going clubbin' in the night time!

Ugh.

So I twisted my ankle AND I'm sick. This sucks.

JUNE is approaching!!

...and it will be CRAZY! It's going to be sooo much FUN! I'm definitely in need of it.

Everything is starting to get better now! :)

The meaning of "Eudaimonia"

You are probably wondering what the hell my tattoo means. Well, here's a good explanation of it brought to you by Wikipedia (this has to be everyone's online encyclopedia companion):

"Eudaimonia (εὐδαιμονία) is a classical Greek word commonly translated as 'happiness'. Etymologically, it consists of the word "eu" ("good" or "well being") and "daimōn" ("spirit" or "minor deity", used by extension to mean one's lot or fortune). Although popular usage of the term happiness refers to a state of mind, related to joy or pleasure, eudaimonia rarely has such connotations, and the less subjective "human flourishing" is often preferred as a translation.

Socrates' philosophy, as it is represented in Plato's early dialogues, contains two related claims about eudaimonia. The first is the strong inter-dependence of eudaimonia, virtue (aretē), and knowledge (epistemē): virtue is a sort of knowledge, perhaps 'knowledge of good and evil', and it is this knowledge that is required to reach the ultimate good, with eudaimonia being the prime candidate for this ultimate good. The second, sometimes called "psychological eudaimonism" or "Socratic intellectualism", is the claim that the ultimate good, eudaimonia, is what all human desires and actions aim to achieve.

Plato's middle dialogues present a somewhat different position. In the Republic, we find a moral psychology more complex than psychological eudaimonism: we do not only desire our ultimate good; rather the soul, or mind, has three motivating parts - a rational, spirited (approximately, emotional), and appetitive part - and each of these parts has its own desired ends. Eudaimonia, then, is not simply acquired through knowledge, it requires the correct psychic ordering of this tripartite soul: the rational part must govern the spirited and appetitive part, thereby correctly leading all desires and actions to eudaimonia and the principal constituent of eudaimonia, virtue.

Aristotle claims that "every art and every scientific inquiry, and similarly every action and purpose, may be said to aim at some good. Hence 'the good' has been well defined as that at which all things aim." According to Aristotle, the hierarchy of human purposes aim at eudaimonia as the highest, most inclusive end. This is the end that everyone in fact aims at, and it is the only end towards which it is worth undertaking means. Eudaimonia is constituted, according to Aristotle, not by honor, or wealth, or power, but by rational activity in accordance with virtue over a complete life. Such activity manifests the virtues of character, including, honesty, pride, friendliness, and wittiness; the intellectual virtues, such as rationality in judgment; and non-sacrificial (i.e. mutually beneficial) friendships and scientific knowledge (knowledge of things that are fundamental and/or unchanging is the best)."

As you can see, the word has quite an interesting meaning. This was the reason why I loved learning about this term in my Philosophy 290 class. I always thought it was interesting how society does try to achieve ultimate happiness in several forms, such as through love and even sinful pleasures. I can list more but there is just too many to describe. Basically, we all do whatever it takes (rationally and irrationally) to achieve bliss. I personally think the term applies to me. I'm always trying to find ways to achieve that ultimate happiness. I'm just hoping one day I will achieve it!

...and here's a comic I thought was funny and fitting of this subject:

Tatted up.

So I finally got ink done on my wrists. The "Eudaimonia" looks prettier than what I imagined! I love it! I feel like I took a major risk in my life lol. How lame. Oh well, I'm satisfied with what I got. I was surprised that it didn't hurt as much.

Operation: Appearance Change!

Earlier today, I went to Brea Mall and booked an appointment to get platinum blonde streaks in my hair at the Carlton Salon on Monday. It has been ages since I've last dyed my hair! I thought I should treat myself since I got paid today, and I think it will make me feel better. At least my mood has been improving. Fuck dwelling on everything in life! Fo shooo. It's time to make myself look prettier! LOL jp jp jp.

Next on the itinerary list:
- Schedule an appointment to get my "Eudaimonia" tat (if you're a Greek philosophy nerd, then you would know what I'm talking about) on my wrists.
- Possibly get another piercing...? I was thinking about getting piercings on my collarbones, but that's still in the air.

...and dude, who reads the Naruto manga?! You gotta agree that the latest chapters have been getting intense LOL! I'm loving it!

/end Naruto nerdiness

Thank you for the wise words, Mr. Chan.

De12: sometimes life needs to give us a hard time and take things away so we can truly appreciate the simple things that we have once the storm passes

Lost.

For some reason, I've been in the mood to blog a lot. As of right now, I am in a state of confusion and feeling lost in life. These last few months have been really hard on me. I know I am capable of overcoming the shit life throws at me, but sometimes I feel like it's too unbearable to handle. Who doesn't feel like that when they are enduring troubling circumstances?

Sure...I graduated college recently and finally received a Bachelors in Art degree. I also have a full-time job lined up with the office I currently work for as an office assistant and graphic artist. But I feel like there's still something missing in my life. I'm probably expecting too much in life again...

It could probably be the fact that I feel like I'm losing a lot of people I considered as friends. This just makes everything even more complicated because I used to have numerous close bonds with people. Now I feel like not all of those bonds are genuine. I thought some of these people would be there for me when I needed them the most, but I guess I was wrong. It hurts a lot realizing this. I was never the type to have a problem with trusting people but after what I've endured, now I know trust is a crucial trait to have in friendships and even relationships. I honestly don't know who to trust anymore. Even though I still have some close friends by my side, I still feel like I'm distant and completely alone in this world. I feel like a walking hollow ghost. I hate this feeling...

I'm trying my hardest to smile on the outside, but it's so hard when everything inside of me is starting to eat me up.

I just want to be happy for once...

Life works in mysterious ways.

Paramore - "Let the Flames Begin"

What a shame we all became, such fragile broken things,
A memory remains, Just a tiny spark,
I give it all my oxygen, to let the flames begin,
So let the flames begin,

Ohhhh Glory.... Ohh Glory!

This is, how we'll dance when,
when they try to take us down,
This is what we'll be ohh glory.

Somewhere weakness is our strength,
And I'll die searching for it,
I can't let myself regret, such selfishness,
My pain I know the trouble caused, no matter how long,
I believe that there's hope,

buried beneath it all, and,
hiding beneath it all and,
growing beneath it all and...

This is, how we'll dance when,
when they try to take us down,
This is how we'll sing out...
This is, how we'll stand when,
when they burn our houses down,
This is what we'll be Oh Glory!

Reaching as I sink down into life.
Reaching as I sink down into life.

This is, how we dance when,
when they try to take us down,
This is how we'll sing out.
This is, how we'll stand when,
when they burn our houses down,
This is what we'll be Oh Glory!

From this moment on...

I'm not going to let what happened in the past ruin what I have right now!!!

I have the Leona Lewis album in constant rotation. Her voice and songs are as beautiful as her! <3

Testing 1, 2, 3

So I decided to start a blogspot account because apparently this is getting popular now haha.

Anyway, I'll start off this entry with what I did today. Earlier today I just went to the gym. After that, I went to smoke hookah with my friend Betty at Hidden Cafe in Anaheim Hills. I swear that's our spot to chill at now haha. Oh well, it's cool though. I like hookah!

I feel proud of myself because Betty taught me how to play Texas Holdem and I caught on pretty quickly lol. I'm still a little bit rusty on it though, but at least I have the gist of it. I've always wanted to learn how to play that because I swear everyone and their mom plays poker except for me. Now I'm familiar with the concept of Texas Holdem...and I'll probably fall into the deep depths of gambling debt once I start playing with money haha. Well, scratch that...I doubt I'll start playing with money. I don't know if I'm willing to risk my money playing that. Ehh, who knows. I know I sound gay being excited for the fact I learned how to play Texas Holdem LOL! Well, that was basically my day.