Reality check

I found this entry in my old xanga:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a
better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

ALL of this is true! But I guess I had a hard time following through with most of them because of constant denial and false hopes of improvement. Not everything is meant to be and I had to end the thing that caused me so much stress and pain.

I guess it was a lesson learned for me. At least I can decipher between what's good and bad in a relationship now. It took a LOT for me to realize all of this, but in the end, I did the right thing to keep my sanity and attain happiness for myself. I'm genuinely proud of myself. I'm stronger than what I thought...

Now is the time to focus on myself and the goals I set for my future. I'm learning more and more each day to respect what I truly need and deserve. Love for myself is the best love that I can ever have.

Episode #120: Love Hurts

Dr. House v. Dr. Cameron

Cameron: "I'm not expecting you to be someone you're not."

House: "We're in a restaurant, we're dressed up, we're eating. If not small talk, what is there?"

Cameron: "According to Freud, and I'm paraphrasing, instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it, and if a person feels they can't control the object or feel threatened by it, they act negatively toward it. Like an eighth-grade boy punching a girl."

House: "I treat you like garbage, so I must really like you. Given your Freudian theory, what does it mean if I start being nice to you?"

Cameron: "That you're getting in touch with your feelings."

House: "Hmm. So there's absolutely nothing I can do to make you think that I don't like you."

Cameron: "Sorry, no. I have one evening with you, one chance, and I don't want to waste it talking about what wines you like or what movies you hate. I want to know how you feel about me."

House: "You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn't perfect. That's why you married a man who was dying of cancer. You don't love, you need. And now that your husband is dead, you're looking for your new charity case. That's why you're going out with me. I'm twice your age, I'm not great looking, I'm not charming, I'm not even nice. What I am is what you need: I'm damaged."

Day & Night

"And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go."

...because I never dreamt it would happen to me again. <3

Summer 2008

This is what my summer has consisted of so far:

- Soul Session in LA with the best friend. Saw J*DaVeY live and bought a sick ass art piece.
- Went reggae cruisin' in Long Beach and swam.
- Got promoted and a raise!
- Celebrated Lea's birthday at Little Temple Bar in Silverlake.
- Going to EDC for the first time with the homiiieees!
- Celebrated Jim's birthday at La Creperie in Long Beach and ENVY at DTF.
- 4th of July weekend at Vegas with my lovelies!
- Gettin' hyphy in the Bayyy Areaaa for my cousin, Manong Paul's beach-side wedding!
- ...and got a free electric guitar from him too!
- I got my new baby...a 2008 Honda Fit!
- My cousin Kirstin and Auntie Patria came here on vacation from Michigan. We had a family party for them at my house.
- Saw MSTRKRFT and N*E*R*D live at HARDfest!
- Going to DTF on Tuesday's and Thursday's is becoming a habit now lol. Ziing's is the SPOT now!
- REUNIONS, REUNIONS, REUNIONS! Talk about RANDOM!
- Reconnecting with people from back in the day..."blast from the past!"
- It's funny how you realize that the world can be so SMALL!
- Meeting new people...and prospects?!
- Detroit Bar and late-night Del Taco munchies.
- ...and more late-night munchies in general, from The Pantry to Steve-O's good ol' home cookin' at 3am. FATTINESS!
- Dancing until it HURTS to make up for it LOL!
- "I'll be back...I'll be fucking back!" HAHAHA LOL!
- Cinespace in Hollywood with the homiiieeees.
- Walkin' all around Laguna Beach and gettin' down at Club M AGAIN with the lovelies. We took over that dance floor!
- Finally got to watch The Dark Knight at IMAX!

WOOHOO FOR THE SINGLE LIFE lol!

I wish this summer could last forever...which is impossible. In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy it to the fullest! I'm lovin' it all! :)

The Lovely Bones

"Inside the snow globe on my father's desk, there was a penguin wearing a red-and-white-striped scarf. When I was little my father would pull me into his lap and reach for the snow globe. He would turn it over, letting all the snow collect on the top, then quickly invert it. The two of us watched the snow fall gently around the penguin. Then penguin was alone in there, I thought, and I worried for him. When I told my father this, he said, 'Don't worry, Susie; he has a nice life. He's trapped in a perfect world.'"

W-T-F

I have no idea how to feel right now. I'm just a mixture of all sorts of emotions right now...

I got into an accident yesterday afternoon. I got T-boned and my car got totaled. My car spun out and my airbags deployed. When it did that, my arm got burnt by it's force. When I looked at my right arm, it looked so nasty. I swear I saw all of the layers of my skin! When I got out of my car, I didn't know how to react. I was just so SHOCKED. I swear that's the expression I've been using these last few months. Like W-T-F. I am such an idiot...

Now I have no car in the time being, and I requested days off of work because of this. This sucks so bad.

It's ridiculous how life can throw so many lemons at you, yet you don't even have the power to squeeze the hell out of them and make lemonade anymore...

Feeling Artsy-Fartsy.

So last Saturday I hung out with my "eclectic BFF!" CJ. We went to a Scion Art Installation Gallery Opening in Culver City. That picture I uploaded was one of my favorite artworks that I saw there. It's by Tanner Goldbeck. All the other artwork I saw there were amazing as well! I really want to go to more art exhibits during the summer time!

After that, we ate at Cobras and Matadors. The restaurant has a swanky Spanish atmosphere that I liked. Their Cornish Hen and Prawns covered with Garlic Sauce were really delicious! I wouldn't mind eating there again!

Then we headed to the Dresden Bar to listen to the spotlight singers and chat with the nice bartender. The night was a great break from the partying and clubbin' that I typically do.

The whole weekend was great. I also got to chill with a friend who recently got an awesome tat on his shoulder blade. Ahhh makes me want to get more now! It can get addicting! I'm still thinking about what else to get though.

As of right now, my life is...how should I say this...a little bit interesting, I guess? Haha. WOW, that's all I have to say...